Putin Cocktail

 

Sometimes it’s difficult to comprehend the devastation and destruction one man can inflict on society(s) but in the case of Vladimir Putin, his only equal in recent times is Adolf Hitler.  Sure, there have been others that rank close (Zedong, Stalin, Pot et al.), but for world changers, I believe these two stand alone.  I also believe that history will adjoin them and their last names forever as the worst humans ever to exist on this planet.  How do people become such terrible human beings; I believe there is a recipe for this cock-tale.

“THE VLADIMIR PUTIN COCKTAIL”

NARCISSISM:  Mix two parts narcissism, this smokey self-indulgent ingredient will provide the indisputable trait that you are the only person in the world that matters. 

LIES:  Mix three parts lies.  This may be the hardest part to swallow but it’s an acquired taste.  Once you get used to it, they will just flow down very easily.        

POWER:  Mix two parts power, remember you must get and deserve the ultimate power over countries and citizens.  This will enable you to rule in the absolute.     

PARANOIA:  Mix one part paranoia.  You can’t have this level of power without the paranoia that everyone around you is out to get you.  This is a fact…they are.

BITTERS:  Use a generous helping of bitters.  This is the last taste of the cocktail.  As you sip the rest, the bitters will come at the end, as you are destined to ultimately die for your sins. 

*Add ice, you will need to be as cold as possible, to a shaker.  Add the narcissism, lies, power, paranoia and lastly the bitters.  Shake like your life depends on it (it does) and serve over more ice in a shot glass shaped like a skull.  Garnish with your soul, you won’t need it anymore.  Drink right before bedtime as this may be the last time you get any rest.

If you DO witness this recipe being mixed at any place at any time, run to your nearest voting booth and quickly pull the lever for the OTHER candidate.  You know, I think I’ve seen this recipe before, but I just can’t remember who it was (insert pic of Trump here).

Remember this, dictators don’t just become dictators, they evolve over time.  They slowly lie to you over time and convince you that they best thing you can do is support them.  Then when they have you, you are under their total control.  Now that you are in their cult, you realize that EVERYONE else is wrong.  Despite what you are actually seeing with your own eyes, you defer to what your new God is telling you.  After all, he is never wrong…right? 

It is important to him that he unifies his followers, then it is time to attack anyone with a difference of opinion.  All other opinions are just plain wrong.  There is no room anymore for critical thought discovery, all commands come from the Great One. 

Okay now it’s time to gather the masses and inflict as much pain as possible on “the other side”.  Even though they are your friends and neighbors, YOU MUST DESTROY THEM for the greater good.  The government, you just take that over, it is justified because they believe in unjustifiable causes like freedom, and everyone is created equal. 

You’re almost there now, as you have exulted this human piece of excrement to a level of which he is entitled to be.  Before you know it though, all of your rights have been taken away and he is the one and only ruler of the land.  HEY, I helped you get elected!  Awww, you forgot about the narcissism, didn’t you?  Well enjoy your time in servitude.  After all, you can’t really complain about that which you helped create. 

Hope to see ya at the voting booth in November!   

Handi-Capable

 

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M HAND-CAPABLE!

Read:   HANDI-CRAPPED   Based upon a true story-

Plenty of us get up in the morning and put one leg on at a time.  We pull ourselves into wheelchairs or fight to dress with prosthetic hands or arms.  It's a struggle but we get it done just like you would if you had to.  We don't ask for special treatment because really, we just want to be considered normal.  

I may have had part of my leg amputated but other than a few emotional scars, I still have my life experiences, I still have a sarcastic sense of humor, and I do have some people that love me.  We've all got problems, one of mine may just be a little more obvious to your eye.  

See, my friends and I are in our sixties now, and had you known me when I was 20, you'd have bet dollars to donuts that I wouldn't have made it to 30.  Quite crazy as a youth, it took a lot of mistakes and at lot of scars to have become the man standing in front of you.  We all gather scars and problems along the way if you're lucky enough to reach my age.  The baggage may seem to get a little heavy at times but if you learn how to carry it right, it's manageable. 

Now I'm not sure who coined the term Handi-Capable, but it wasn't me.  This phrase does, however, bring a smile to my face every time I hear it.  The book HANDI-"CRAPPED"; refers more to the medical system that we find ourselves in upon entering a hospital and having very little say about our own treatment unless we really advocate for ourselves.  HANDI-"CAPABLE" is the condition I find myself in now that I have adapted to my new-normal.

With my prosthetic leg, I certainly look fairly normal (no jokes from my friends) with pants on and walk with only a slight limp.  I try to avoid stairs and escalators are a bit scary but for the most part I feel normal.  I know that everyone I've worked with would say, "He gets along pretty good, he's an amputee you know".  Even now when I'm filling out forms or applications it is hard to check the box that says, "Disabled", because most of the time I don't feel that way.

I don't pretend to know how others handle the "handle" of being disabled because there are so many types of disabilities and even more ways to deal with them.  There are mental, sight, hearing, limb loss and many other disabilities.  How you judge disabilities or rank them is completely up to you, how treat people with them is critical (to us).  We fight every single day to be viewed as normal because our employers, our pay and our self-respect depends on it.   

Imagine if people with anxiety issues had a sign above their head that said ANXIETY.  That may sound strange but exactly how would you treat them, would you treat them different?  Would you hire them, would you sit next to them on a bus?  There are no physical reminders or outward appearance of many disabilities, but they are still there.  I'm sure there are plenty of mental disabilities that people would trade places with me for, if they could get rid of theirs.

So, I guess what I'm asking for is to be treated as a normal person.  I didn't lose my sense of humor; I laugh at a lot of things you do.  My mind is clear (again, no jokes from my friends) and I will appreciate you treating me normal more than you will ever know.  I remember what it felt like to seem normal to you, but I still had issues with my own vulnerabilities within my own mind.  Am I too loud, large, scary etc., those didn't go away, I was just able to put them in a shelf further back in the pantry lol.   

Sincerely,

Insensitive Bastard

Insensitive Bastard

Be Well            

     

     

            

Request(s) For 2022, If I May Be So Bold

 Please buy HANDI-CRAPPED, you’ll be giving to Insensitive Bastard so that he can continue his assault on healthcare systems everywhere…and his own dusty wallet.

Hey there 2022!  I’m pleased to meet you but you’re still in your infancy, so I’ll reserve my opinion of you until at least the end of June.  Your siblings (2021 & 2020) did not treat us so good since I’m optimistic though, I have a few requests for you:

1.       This entire COVID thing, can we just put an end to all of the variants…PLEASE?  The Right has decided that drinking your own urine might be a cure, and as proud as I am of their recycling techniques, I’d just assume not get into an elevator where someone has “urine breath”.  I can only assume that their next cure might involve “stool intake” and I’m afraid that might just put another take on you are what you eat. 

2.       Please tell ALL OF THE POLITICIANS TO PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP!  I’m so tired of seeing them tweet, “We need to give people voting rights and ensure that everyone’s vote counts”.  I agree, but there’s not one damn thing I can do about it since my only input doesn’t come until November 8^th, and trust me, when I do vote, some incumbents are not going to be happy.

3.       Please help pass the $35 insulin bill.  It is a terrible thing in this country when some of us have to pick between food and an $800 prescription.  I’ve been a diabetic now for 22 years.  There’s a good chance that I’ve paid over $100,000 for insulin during that time.  If you add in the needles, the test strips and meters you’re probably at 120k.  Did you know that Pfizer made 3.5 BILLION dollars in just the first three months of 2021?  Give me a break!

4.       Billionaires are spending their discretionary income to travel to space, well it’s not actually space, it’s so they can spend about two minutes in a weightless atmosphere.  The cost of this is so astronomical, Elon Musk had to reduce his spending by cutting the amount he pays in taxes.

5.       Please, if any boat/ship/yacht has to get a hole and sink, let it be Slow Manchin’s.  I’m not saying I want anyone’s yacht to sink, but if there has to be one…

6.       Sucker Karlson/s worth and paycheck is just ridiculous.  I understand that he married Swanson Food but to lie for like 20 million a year.  Well, I’ve known at least 20 tax attorneys that would lie like that for ½ as much.  Can you get him fired please?

7.       Finally, and I know this is a big one but, could you regrow my amputated leg one night?  I kind of miss having one and I’ve already got all these extra shoes…

8.       Sorry, I almost forgot one and this is the biggest of them all, can you please make sure that everyone votes Blue and beat the republicans in both the house and the senate in November?  I’m afraid if we don’t win, the COVID cures may not look so bad to me.

Sincerely,

Insensitive Bastard

Insensitive Bastard

Be Well 

National Days in December (Nat'l What Day?)

Uh, I'm not sure if you are aware, but in addition to Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years and several other major holidays (see above) fall in the month of December.  You may be unaware, but I'm here to catch you up on some that you may have not celebrated due to the overpowering "holiday season"...You're Welcome.

• Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day (Dec 1st) A Day designated to get eye exams who knew  
• National Sock Day (Dec 4th) I think it's great to have a day dedicated to the only piece of clothing that actually escapes my house on its own
• National Rhubarb Vodka Day (1st Saturday in Dec) This year it actually falls on the same day as National Sock Day, so let's put our party hats on and celebrate like it's 1999
• National Pawnbrokers Day (Dec 6th) Can you imagine the lobbyists proposing this day?
• Dewey Decimal System Day (Dec 10th) I'd like to propose we join this day with National Antiquated Day
• National Ding-a-Ling Day (Dec 12th) Insert your own joke here
• Cat Herders Day (Dec 15th) I understand the concept, but I've never actually seen it performed
• National Roast Suckling Pig Day (Dec 18th) Was this born out of jealousy for Thanksgiving
• National Flashlight Day (Dec 21st) I get that this is the Winter Solstice, but don't we just use our phones now
• National Roots Day (Dec 23rd) A Day to investigate and trace our family heritages great, just in time to sit around the Christmas tree and discuss who is illegitimate in my family 
• National Whiner’s Day (Dec 26th) A Day that allows you to complain about anything wasn't this called everyday
• National Champagne Day (Dec 31st) Now I think this should be National Drink Your Face Off Day, but then who am I to argue with tradition

So Happy December and Be Well

-Insensitive Bastard

https://www.amazon.com/Handi-Crapped-Surviving-Our-Healthcare-System/dp/1737644614/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

    

 

Thankful...Insensitive Bastard is Here

 

Sooo much to be thankful for.  As Insensitive Bastard, it may be hard to believe that I'm very thankful at all, but that's not true.  My entire book Handi-Crapped is dedicated to a man's journey throughout a hospitcal stay.  A work of fiction based upon a true story; you begin to question how much of this is truth.   Probably more than you'd hope.  

You have to give it to the protagonist though, he is bounced, shaken and shot through his journey like an arrow through a bow.  He barely has time or energy to make life changing decisions.  For his family, friends and nurses he is very thankful, for the doctors and hospital administrators...not so much.  

Mr. Bastard's medical team at Scalpel Depot consists of doctor(s) Grizzly and Cutlery.  His nurses are nurse Angelica, Smilesalot, Havyorbac, Sureshot and Understatement.  So, you figure with this team, what could go wrong...wait...what?  

In a world where doctors are Gods in scrubs/lab coats, Mr. Bastard is an outlier.  He fires a surgeon on the morning of surgery, he escapes the hospital for a decent meal and fights anesthesia like a boxer going twelve rounds.  Through it all, he maintains his sense of humor and a relentless observation of the human condition.  

So, as we approach Thanksgiving and remember the many things, we are thankful for, Insensitive Bastard is just thankful to be on the right side of the grass.  He's just glad it's not "Catheter Monday" or "Transfusion Day".  He IS hoping that this Thanksgiving finds you well with much to be thankful for.  Be well!                

Happy (NFL) Halloween!

 

For all of you trick or treaters out there, young and old, I wish you a Happy Halloween.  This year it happens to fall on a Sunday night, during the Dallas Cowboys vs. Minnesota Vikings NFL Sunday Night Game.  Now for most of the country this is no big deal, but imagine the tricks or treats you could have during the game.  

Imagine Ezekiel Elliott fumbling the ball on the Minnesota 10 yard line and the Vikings recover just as your doorbell rings and your lifelong Cowboys fan of a husband yells, "GET THE FU.. OUT OF HERE!",  As the children run and scream to their parents that your husband has just threatened them for simply knocking on your door for Halloween.  Or, your wife, who grew up in St. Paul, cheering on the Vikings, watch quarterback Kirk Cousins lob a pass into the Cowboys end zone only to be picked off by a Cowboys cornerback who has the ball hit him right in the stomach, "You son of a bit..!"  Then children running like a stink bomb went off in their school cafeteria.  

Listen, I get it, the NFL would love nothing more than to sell merchandise with "your favorite team" logo inside a jack o lantern for that one day a year they can wrestle even more money away from us but why stop there?  This year there is actually a double header on Christmas Day, just think of all of the "colorful language" to be decorated throughout the house on the most holy of Christian winter events.  Perhaps we could have a game that has half-time Midnight Stroke game where one year turns into another and they drop an NFL logo from the space needle in Seattle while the Seahawks play the Jacksonville Jaguars.     

I do understand the Thanksgiving Day game though, especially when the sideline reporter shows a mynah bird, inside of a chicken, inside of a duck, inside of a turkey, inside of an elk on national TV just as we're all about to get sick from too much of granny's dressing.  It's just a day of pure gluttony and general sickness, why not have some fun watching bodies crush into each other for hours and hours.  Most of the family is either vomiting from Aunt Franny's giblet gravy in your only bathroom or fighting from a batch of too much liquor'd up egg nog that pitted two rivals against each other. 

So remember the Halloween, BE SAFE and wear your brightest team logo, we wouldn't want the NFL to miss out on any money, remember the NFL league office is exempt from taxes...Booo! 

                                                                                -Insensitive Bastard  

Handi-Crapped: Surviving Our Healthcare System: Bastard, Insensitive: 9781737644613: Amazon.com: Books  

Stories from the Brink

In my book, HANDI-CRAPPED I wrote a sometimes satirical, sometimes funny look at the United States healthcare system, in a fictional account, based upon a true story.  The farther I get away from this completed work, the more I am haunted by the fact that this may be a similar story for many of my friends in the disabled community.  

In the book I tried to make light of the doctors that are a combination of doctors that I've known and been a patient of.  Doctors Cutlery, Egotism and Dr. Reaper performed work at Scalpel Depot, assisted  by Nurses Angelica, Sureshot and Smilesalot.  I think I captured a microcosm of our healthcare system in a satirical, fictional way.  Unfortunately, after connecting with so many others on social media, it appears that this story may not be so isolated as depicted in this book.     

Per PolicyAdvice, there are 784,626 companies related to the healthcare industry.  Now I'm sure that all of these organizations were formed for altruistic reasons, but since our healthcare expenditures (per CDC 2018) are 3.6 trillion and represent 17.7% of our GDP, I'll reserve judgement.  The point is, any industry that is this huge, will have a percentage of profiteers that will provide a less than stellar level of care for me and my disabled friends.  

So I'd like to hear about such experiences from people who think that their level of care was crap or "CRAPPED" during their healthcare crisis.  Also, please include any funny stories that may be clean enough to print.  Please drop your comments here.  Thanks and as always>Insensitive Bastard

HANDI-CRAPPED:  Handi-Crapped: Surviving Our Healthcare System: Bastard, Insensitive: 9781737644613: Amazon.com: Books